I sing in the shower like nobody's business.

I often stay up late watching chick flicks because I don't want anyone to see me cry at the sappy parts.

I have a random love for nuts. Last year I was addicted to peanuts, and now I am addicted to almonds--not the roasted, sugary carnival kinds--straight almonds.

I sometimes fantasize that I am a famous dancer, which could never be possible because:

a) I took dance for two years when I was REALLY little

b) I am not flexible

c) I have absolutely NO rhythm whatsoever

and,

d) I am a member of the Farmer family

I also fantasize about being Harry Potter and/or being at Hogwarts. Although, if I was at Hogwarts I would be a Ravenclaw, not a Gryffindor.

I have an insane fear of heights and I hate it. I've always wanted to have a tree house (much less climb up into one), but every time I start climbing the ladder to one, I start to shake so violently it's almost as if I'm having a seizure.

I am O.C.D. about grades. I don't just want to get good grades; it's as if I have to. This may make me sound all stuck up and goody-goody, but I don't know what I'd do if I wasn't good at school. I've always been the nerdy one!

I've got my life planned out for me: I'm going to marry an insanely rich guy and go travel the world/live in England. Although, if I did live in England, I wouldn't want to live in a mansion even if my husband was rich. I would live in one of those quaint English cottages.

I love to volunteer. My favorite thing about having diabetes is that there seems to be more opportunities for me to volunteer at diabetes-related activities and such. The sad thing is, I've had conflicts the past year or so and haven't been able to do it.

I love classical music. I would never ever listen to it on my iPod, but I absolutely go giddy if it is played on the piano. It's so beautiful.

I also love rap, but mostly just Eminem.

On this little music kick, I like almost every kind of musical genre, except opera. Give me some country: love it. Rap: sweet. Pop: Pretty good (now, if you were to make me listen to JB or Smiley Miley Cyrus, that's a whole different story). Indie: awesome! Rock: pretty cool. Just no opera, thank you very much.

My favorite SNL actor is Kristen Wiig, and if you haven't seen any of her videos, go here and watch some of her videos.These aren't all of the skits she's been in, so if you like her, go searching for more!

Oh, speaking of great videos, if you haven't seen this music video, please do. I think it's hilarious, but maybe that's just me.

That's a little bit about me. Marissa Ann Farmer. Take it or leave it, it's what makes me me, what makes me happy, and I don't change for nobody.

Who Am I?

This past year I've had some struggles with knowing who I am.

I never thought I'd have that kind of problem, yet I did.

I tried to be who YOU wanted me to be, someone who YOU would like.

It doesn't work that way.

I lost myself this year.

I justified what I was doing because of the popularity I was gaining.

People actually noticed my existence! And not just because they needed help on homework.

I finally felt like my opinion mattered to someone-that I mattered to someone.

And I thought you had the same feelings I did, the same beliefs on life.

Then when I found out, I acted like nothing was different-like it didn't bother me that you had changed.

I was changing too, I reasoned.

You either sink or swim in this world, sink or swim.

What I didn't know was that I was sinking.

I don't blame you for dragging me down, you didn't.

It was my pride that did it-my need for social acceptance.

You are who you are, and I know that I can't change that fact.

But then, I said something that shocked me.

Had I really changed that much, that I would agree to something like that?

Who was this person saying these words?!

Where had I gone?

For the next few weeks I hid in the dark corners of my mind.

What had I done?

The guilt was eating me.

I felt so wrong, so empty, so lost.

I don't really think that. That wasn't me.

If that wasn't me, then who am I?

It finally came to me. I am:

Marissa Farmer

Member of the

Church of Jesus

Christ of Latter-

Day Saints.

And I'm proud of it.

p.s. the title of this post makes me think of one of the greatest musicals of all time- Les Miserables, and this song. If you haven't heard the music from this musical, I strongly recommend it! It's a beautiful, powerful story.

Sometimes all you need is to change into some sweats, curl up in a blanket, turn some music on, and read a good book. Sometimes that makes all the difference in the world :)

Do You Ever Feel Like....

Something's missing?? As if you go about your life in the same routine, doing the same things day in and day out, with little change. Sure, you ate Frosted Flakes for breakfast today instead of Cocoa Puffs, but other than that it's all the same old-same old. And every time you try to break out of your routine and do something different-be someone different-you are held back by the sameness of your life. Sometimes don't you just want to throw back your head and yell into that blue abyss we call the sky, and tell the clouds that just once could they let it snow in the middle of July? To have your teachers decide to go outside and play kickball instead of making you take that excruciatingly long test. Where's the spontaneity in life? The little things that catch you off-guard and make you smile. The song that comes on your Ipod that fits your mood like a glove, or getting ten out of ten on a skills test you thought you'd fail in gym class. This mindless routine is not good enough for me, I need more from life! That's why no matter how many times this routine and complete sameness holds me back, I'm going to dare to be different and perhaps slip a little Tabasco sauce in my Kool-Aid.