Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close with for the longest

My siblings. I love them! I've known them all my life, and they are my favorite people in the whole world. I miss them when they're not around, and I'm the happiest when they are. I wouldn't change them for the world!

This is Sort of a Sad Tale (a.k.a. I have no life on Friday nights...)

This is the rough draft to a story I've been working on. Let me know what you think! (And any advice you'd have for me would be welcome too) :) Enjoy:

"I just got off the phone with the doctor. Your father, he's...gone."

Those words sounded like a broken record in my mind for the next month as funeral arrangements were made, the will was read and followed, and all the stuff in his apartment was boxed up. In fact, that is exactly what I was doing when my mother first suggested a trip to the doctor.

"Honey," she explained, "You haven't eaten a solid meal in weeks! You shut yourself in here all day, and you only leave if it's absolutely necessary. I really think we should go see someone."

"You mean, like a shrink?" I asked quietly as I slid the packaging tape across the opening of the cardboard container holding the last of my dad's vast book collection.

"A grief counselor. Many people go to one when they lose someone close to them. It's totally normal!"

As always, my mother sounded like a peppy high school cheerleader. Had I been a stranger meeting her for the first time, I never would have believed that her ex-husband had died three weeks prior, let alone that she had once had a husband. Her bleached-blonde hair and salon tanned skin would be right at home with the popular girls at my high school. It had been 17 years since she had graduated from the same school, yet I could tell she would give her $40 fluorescent fake nails and all of the Botox injections she had ever received to be back walking the halls of Steelecreek High.

At 35, my mother was about as mature as Katy Perry, and probably a little more naive than Miley Cyrus. I suppose that was partially due to the fact that she hadn't had much time to learn about the real world after leaving the public school system. She had married her high school sweetheart (and the captain of the football team), Jordan McDaniels, about four months after graduation. Nine months later, they got me; and two years after that, my mother filed for divorce.

Whenever I asked her why she had ended her relationship with my father, she always told me it was because her expectations of marriage had been too high, and she found that she preferred the single life. Mom went on a lot of dates throughout my childhood and teenage years, and she always left me with my dad, who lived in the exact apartment where I had resided for my first two years of existence. Even though I resented my mother for ditching me to go out with her boyfriends, these times spent with my dad became times to look forward to. We played endless rounds of games like 'Sorry!' and 'UNO', went out for ice cream at the local Dairy Queen, tossed a football around at a nearby park, and watched practically any (and every) type of movie. These little 'dates' with my dad were the most special because I got to learn a lot about who Jordan McDaniels really was.

I learned that he loved to cook, and that he had always dreamed of going to culinary school and becoming a chef. He hadn't, however, because my grandparents didn't believe that cooking food was a respectable profession. Instead, he was stuck working at an insurance company and trying all his new food creations out on me. I also learned that he had loved my mother since they had started high school, and that even though she despised him and wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, he still loved and cared for her.

And when I was twelve, I learned that my dad had cancer.

"Well, what do you think, kiddo? I think that talking to someone like this will help you move on a lot easier."

My mother's words brought me back to reality, "I'm fine," I mumbled, frustrated at her persistence.

"No, sweetie, you are not," she whispered, reaching out to move a stray curl from where it had fallen over my eyes. I turned my head, willing her to get the message that I didn't need anything from her, and that I definitely didn't want anything. Her gaze was now pleading as she looked at me, "I made us an appointment with Dr. Baker tomorrow at three. I would really like you to come with me."

"Whatever," I replied, ending the conversation.

She turned and started to leave the room, "Okay Alex," she sighed, looking, for a moment, as if she were ten years older, "Call me when you're done here and I'll come pick you up."

Without waiting for a response from me, she swept from the room. I let out my breath that I had been subconsciously holding for who knows how long. I ran my hands through my dark brown locks as the first sob caught in my throat. Soon the tears came pouring down my cheeks, as they had on so many other afternoons such as this. I had given up trying to hold them back long ago, and now let them freely come. That is, until I spotted a tiny box in the corner of an otherwise empty shelf that I must have overlooked before.

I stood and wiped my eyes, now red and puffy from crying, on my shirtsleeve. Making my way through the stacks of boxes and other paraphernalia, I moved almost as if I was in a trance towards the bookshelf. I looked down at the small box and saw that my name was on it, written in my dad's messy scrawl. I had no clue how I could have possibly overlooked it before, but all that was forgotten as I lifted the lid. Inside the container was a chain holding on it a small key and a tag stating that the key belonged to a bank located just a few short blocks away. I put the key in my jacket pocket and quickly walked out of the apartment.

*****

The bank employee led me to a room filled with safety deposit boxes of all different sizes. He took the key from me and opened a medium-sized box, removing the contents. He handed to me two leather bound journals and a slip of paper which read:

These are for you should you want them.

I love you so much Alex!

Love,

Dad

Thanking the employee, I quickly exited the bank and made my way to a nearby deserted park, with its plastic playground faded and run-down. I sat down at the bottom of the large yellow twisty slide and opened the journal marked with a number one in black ink. The first page read:

July 12, 1992

Dear Alex,

I witnessed a miracle today. That miracle was you. I never thought I could love someone so much, yet when I first saw your beautiful face looking up at me I knew I was hooked. Your tiny fingers squeezed my pinky so tightly as I held you in my arms. You are already so strong, Alex! Soon I realized that I couldn't afford to forget this day-or any moment of your life. I walked down to the hospital gift shop and bought this journal in which I am now writing. Not only am I writing this for my own sake, but for you also, so that one day, somewhere down the road, you will read this and smile, knowing that I-your father-love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Never, ever forget that.

Love,

Dad

I shut the book and leaned back against the cool slide, closing my eyes. For the first time since my mom had shared with me the painful news of my father's death from cancer, I felt as if I could breathe again. A weight had been lifted from off my chest that I didn't even realize had been there. Even though it still hurt, and even though there was now a hole in my heart that I knew could never be filled again, I could sense that things would get better. My dad was not completely gone from me-I still had his memories.

I slid my cell phone from the front pocket of my whitewashed jeans, and pressed number three on speed dial. I could tell she had been waiting for my call because she picked up after only the first ring:

"Hello?"

"Hey, Mom, I'm ready now. Do you think you could come pick me up?"

Things wouldn't be perfect between us, not by a long shot. I realized then, though, that you never truly know what you've lost until it's gone, and that you should fix any mistakes you've made, and let those you care about know how you feel, because you never know how long you have left.

"Oh, and Mom? I love you."

The Festival of Colors

Sorry the picture is sideways. And errr... slightly creepy. But that's me! All covered in a TON of cornstarchy colory stuff. Personally, I think I look AWESOME. haha. but that's just me.

For those of you readers who are unrelated to me and do not know, this is my brother. Tadd. He's a history teacher and I think this picture depicts how wise he is. Can't you just see the years of knowledge pouring out from his soul through his eyes?? Random, I know, but I love this picture :) And I love you Tadd!

we were COVERED in colors! I have found colors everywhere, from my ears to underneath my toenails, from my nose to my back...from my... yeah, well, you get the picture. It was EVERYWHERE.

I don't know exactly why I love this picture, but I do. There was SO much junk all over the ground, I feel so bad for those people who had to clean up the place after everyone left...

When Tadd and I were driving down there we both saw this and immediately knew that our day would not be fulfilled if I did not get a picture of it. We then spent the next 15 minutes turning around and going back in order for me to get this shot. I'm not really sure why I find it so hilarious (perhaps because my NAME is Marissa), yet I do. You don't think it's funny? Well, that's just too bad. That's why this is my blog :)

Birthdays!

Well, since I failed to write a blog about Cayden's birthday (sorry Cayden) I guess I'll just follow the family tradition of compiling birthdays together. So happy birthday Cayden and Elise!! I love you both and I am proud to be your aunt!

Happy Birthday Tadd!

As you can tell, this is a very special occasion. It's Tadd's birthday! He is such a great part of my life and one of my favorite people to be around because he has the talent of making me happy even when I'm sad. We've had some fun times together (see picture above).

I have to say he's my favorite brother that's less than 11 years older than me, and one of my best friends. I still don't understand why he's still single.... But for any girl who's out there looking for a husband:

Happy Birthday Dad!

well, I see I'm the last person to do a blog on Dad, but certainly he's worth one more. I just wanted to take this time to say thank you for being such a wonderful dad! I love you!

Arabian Golf

While we were on our trip to Florida, Tadd came up with the brilliant idea of playing a 'new' version of the card game Golf. We called this 'Arabian Golf'. We added some new rules, such as:

• All sevens are unlucky, so if you get stuck with one at the end, they're worth 20 points.
• You don't get to turn over any of your cards before the game starts.

and the best one:

• you have to wear a 'turban' on your head for the whole next round if you lose that round.

here are some of the pictures from the game:

COMING SOON: ARABIAN GOLF 2

The Florida Trip

Well, Tadd and I are posting a blog about all the crazy things that have happened to us this trip. And since Tadd's blog is not supposed to be written in for another month...we are using mine.

We will start with Wednesday. We woke up at 6:30 and Aunt Kathie took us to the airport and as usual, mom found some mormon family to talk to during the layover in New Mexico. Dad found some connections because the lady was from Mexico City...so they spent a while talking about the beauties of Mexico. Then we got on the plane and went to Florida. When we got to Tampa, we ran into some guy Tadd knows from working at the MTC...He said he was going to his friend's wedding in Orlando. Then we parted ways and went to find the rental car. When we first got outside the humidity hit us like a thick blanket of water. It was crazy. Then, once we found the car, we spent 30 to 45 minutes looking for our hotel...which turned out to be about 15 minutes from the airport. We got up early the next morning and traveled to Orlando where we spent MY BIRTHDAY at Epcot (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow). We went on Soarin' over California again there, and we talked Dad into going on it. He was the live entertainment. The whole time he was sitting there with his eyes closed and the funniest look on his face. We went on other rides and then we watched the fireworks which were pretty cool. We were watching them right at the moment I turned 13. It was a cool birthday for me.

Friday we spent at Hollywood Studios and Magic Kingdom. We went on a lot of cool rides, and then we went swimming at the hotel. Again, fun day.

Saturday we went to the Temple. Tadd and I ended up in the baptistry with a deaf lady (who was being interpreted to by a 13 or so year old girl who was getting sealed that day to her family), and an obviously Utah-mormon family from Vernal. Tadd ran into his old bishop there. We got out about an hour before mom and dad and sat in the waiting room for a while. Then we went outside and ran into the guy we had seen at the airport. He was there for his friend's wedding. Tadd was walking around outside when he saw something that looked like a stick that was sticking up out of the ground. He looked closer and it moved. It was a snake! It almost gave him a heart attack. Then he showed me and it disappeared so I was freaking out cause I couldn't see it. Then when mom and dad came out Tadd called his good friend Sister Bailey and we visited with her (of course we'll add pictures as soon as we get back). After that we went and visited with the Schmidts for about two hours. We talked a lot about thing happening in Centerville. Once we had left Mom confided in us that she was worried we didn't tell them enough things that were happening in the 9th ward. Tadd told her that, "If we told them anymore, we'd have to start making things up."

On the way back to the hotel, we passed a lagoon type carnival. There was a bungee thing where people would be slung up into the air and bounced around in the air (you've all seen it at lagoon probably). While we were passing Mom spotted a smaller one. She described it as "Oh, they have a smaller one for kids. They bounce them on the ground instead."

Last night when we were about to go to bed, Tadd turned around and saw a cockroach the size of a silver dollar! It was way cool.

Today has been a quiet day. We went to church and talked to some of the people Tadd knew from his mission. We are looking forward to our last few days in Florida, and the chance to come back to good ol' Utah!

the little red man

well, today we had the whole family over and the boys were playing legos in my room. Suddenly, Isaac comes out with red by his mouth and all over his arms.......he had discovered some red nail polish in my room and dumped it all over him and even on my carpet!! It took FOREVER to get it off him and we don't know how we're getting it off my carpet!! hopefully we'll be able to!!! (if I had a picture of Isaac, I'd put it on here, but sadly, we didn't take one of the little red man....) Oh, well, I shall never forget the sight of Isaac waddling out into the family room with that guilty look on his face!

Violence Parties........

Well, a couple weeks ago my friend Brynna and I decided that we wanted to have a chocolate party/Valentine's Day party.....and the other day Jill called and I was distracted so instead of a Valentine's Party I told her we were having a Violence Party..............................and she won't let it go.......... =P (turn head sideways if you don't get what that is.......)

Anywho, my 'Violence Party' was quite fun we ate a LOT of chocolate and pulled quite a few people's hairs, got a few guns, shot a few cats......the whole works.............

Oh, and Tadd, name the date and I'll come down!!

My dream

My dream is to go to France...........well, actually, anywhere and everywhere in Europe!! There's SO much history there and it's so beautiful!!!!


..................well, there's not much interesting things going on in my life right now................

oh and Josie, Jimmy's pretty nice, but if he's ever mean to you, you tell me, and I'll deal with him........(mwahahahahahah........)