FOURTH GRADE LOVE

Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent (although, I'm not sure if this means me or the kid this is about).

It was the first day of fourth grade and I couldn’t wait to arrive at school! My mom had helped me put my hair in perfect little ringlets, and I had on my brand new clothes purchased not even a week before. I was so excited I could barely hold still as my mom put the finishing touches on my outfit. Once I was all ready for school, I raced down my driveway, my one-shouldered purple backpack bouncing along with me. My neighbor, Brianna, was waiting for me at the bottom of my driveway and with a quick ‘hello’ we were off!

Along the way to school we chattered incessantly about various things, but mostly about school. Brianna was to be a fifth grader this year, and was so excited for the new adventures that held for her! We waited for the crossing guard, who was shrouded in a bright orange vest and holding a scarlet stop sign, to wave us across the street.

Once across that busy street, we stopped and gazed up at the beautiful building before us, the words ‘Jennie P. Stewart Elementary’ blaring out at us in bold black letters from above the front doors. We ran to the side of the building near the white portables where we would be lining up with our classmates before school started. I found the bold ‘N’ spray painted on the asphalt in orange marking where Ms. Nelson’s class would line up at the bell. I looked around at the students already standing there-they were to be my future classmates. I saw a few people I was friends with and quickly ran to share my joy at returning to school with them.

Then, the bell rang. All of the students quickly lined up in their various classes as the teachers walked out the side doors of the school to pick us up. As Ms. Nelson stood before us I looked at her smiling face and instantly knew I had been placed in the right class for my fourth grade year. She led us to her classroom and as soon as I stepped in I felt a warmth and love resonating around me as if I had just stepped into my grandmother’s kitchen. We hung our backpacks up on the pegs assigned to us and found our desks by the name tags placed on top of them. I looked around at my new neighbors, would they be my new best friends? This year would be different than previous years, this year would be amazing, I could just sense it.

It wasn't until lunch that I discovered the boy I would be in love with for the next year-and-a-half. I was sitting with my friends Maggie and Kate, discussing everything from nail polish to licking food off of hobo's feet, and then Kate got onto the topic of boys. We chatted a bit about cute boys in our class, especially the new kids. She then mentioned a particular name that sparked little interest in me. Johnny. I had noticed him from afar, yet he was no different than any other guy. However, Kate's descriptions of him made me see him in a whole new light. Let's just say, I never looked at those blue eyes the same way again. He was sitting at a lunch table just two tables away from where I was squeezed in between my friends. I watched him chew his food, noting at the graceful way his jaw moved up and down with each bite.

After that moment, I was hooked. My nine year old self was convinced I had found my one true love. The only problem was Kate felt the same way and we battled over him, calling out 'he's mine' to each other whenever we passed, as if he was a piece of land...or meat. We convinced Maggie to ask him at least once a week which one of us he liked more, so it was probably no secret how we felt about him. Each time she asked him it would be a different answer. Some days it was "Uh... I guess... Marissa?" Others, "Kate? Sure? Kate?" And still others, "Is there a door number three?"

On those days when he picked Kate over me my little heart would break just a fraction. However, this would only make me fight harder to win my prize, to be the number one in this adorable little boy's life. All three of us were in the same class so the battle for the boy raged on all day long. I took pride in the fact that I was a great listener, and I would start up conversations with him as we waited for the bell for recess or the end of school. I swung back and forth, my hands placed firmly on the desks to either side of me, as I listened to him explain what he had done the previous weekend. A lot of the time, he would talk about going paintballing with his friends, and although I had no clue what that was, I would smile and pretend like I did. "Oh, I do that all the time! It's my favorite activity!"

I was the better candidate for his love, and Kate knew it. She spent all of her time insulting me, whining to me, and even hurting me when I tried to talk to Johnny. One particular incident happened after he performed well at a school event. It was during recess and I was playing our regular game of wall ball with Kate and several other friends. I noticed Johnny and his friends walking the track close to where we were involved in our intense game, so when the ball bounced off of the cement I volunteered to retrieve it. I bent over to grab the pink bouncy ball off the ground right as he was passing. "Good job John-" I started, about to congratulate him on his good performance. Right at that moment, however, I felt a body slam into me from behind, knocking me into the asphalt. It had been Kate, the lioness trying to wipe out the competition for her mate. Kate laughed up at Johnny's shocked face, as if this was a joke that he did not need to be bothered with. He walked on, and I shoved Kate off of me, my head pounding and hot tears forming in my eyes.

"You're so--evil!!" I shrieked. At that moment jealousy and hatred coursed through my veins. Through my blurred vision I saw Kate for who she truly was, the devil herself. I slapped her as hard as I could and ran away from the scene of the crime. From that point on, Kate and I were never truly friends again. We may have been forced by our parents to apologize to each other, may have even gone through the motions of becoming friends again, but I could never completely forget about what she had done to me.

Many incidents of this sort happened throughout the school year. The summer brought a trip to Oregon with my parents. I brought along a bright orange Winnie the Pooh notebook that I would fill with doodles of Star Wars characters and romantic lyrics from the CD I was listening to. I decided that I would give this to Johnny on the first day of fifth grade. Kate had moved away that summer and so I had Johnny all to myself.

On the first day of school I arrived there with butterflies in my stomach, the orange notebook clutched tightly in my arms. I could see Johnny's freshly cut hair standing out over the crowd of kids. I fought through the hordes of children until I stood before him. "Here, this is for you," I whispered, my heart in my stomach, as I handed him the notebook I had worked so hard on, "You can throw it away if you don't want it."

He wasn't in my class this year so I hardly ever saw him. My infatuation with him carried me through the first half of the year, but by January I was totally over him and had moved on with my life. I realized that the only reason I liked him in the first place was because I wanted to be better than Kate in some way. It took me years before I could talk to him without blushing, and it took even longer for me to get over the grudge I held against Kate. I don't know if he still has that notebook, or if he remembers those times as vividly as I do, but I'll always remember that year and a half spent gazing at Johnny's handsome face.

p.s. Since I do not have to worry about him ever reading this, I feel safe to say that Johnny is in fact a kid by the name of Brennan McEwan. I heard that he wrote a story about me too (probably about how I STALKED him practically), but sadly, he didn't have the opportunity to share it.